


the downside of dating Iron Man

by black_queen (hotch_fan)



Series: Eccentric Superhero Boyfriends [6]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Bruce is NOT nervous about meeting the Avengers, Canon - Movie, Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Christmas with the Avengers, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Established Relationship, First Meetings, Fluff, Holidays, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Avengers (2012), Secret Identity, Snark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony want his bros and his boyfriend to get along, Why would Batman be nervous about that?, awkward interactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:53:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5507222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotch_fan/pseuds/black_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With no plans of his own for the Holidays, Bruce is traveling to California to spend them with Tony. The only problem? Tony's new 'friends' are going to be there as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the phone call

"Hello."  
  
There was a pause at the other end of the line. "Wow. Is billionaire Bruce Wayne answering his own phone like any _peasant?"_  
  
Bruce snorted, adjusting the phone between his shoulder and ear. "I knew it was you, otherwise it would have gone straight to voicemail."  
  
"Why Brucie, such an awful, awful way to say I'm special," Tony replied, leaning back in his chair. "Okay, but just how much did you piss Alfie off that he let you answer your phone in spite of the lack of decorum."  
  
"I think you're confusing me with yourself," Bruce pulled toward him a clean sheet of paper and jotted down a note in it. "And Alfred isn't home."  
  
Tony took a moment to peer at the clock. He was well known for losing track of time when he was working on something, so it was better to check. And yep, it was late. Too late for nice old butlers to be out and about in gloomy Gotham. "Really? It's almost midnight. He got a hot date?"  
  
Bruce snorted, twiddling the pen between his fingers. "He's in England visiting his family. I finally convinced him to take some much needed vacation time."  
  
"Wait. _What?_ Alfie has family? Like ancestral, blood-related family?"  
  
"He doesn't see or speak with them very often, but yes, he does have family there."  
  
He knew Alfie had family other than Bruce. Of course he did. But, Tony hadn't expected him to be visiting them right now. Just like he hadn't expected Bruce to be in so late. It was the perfect time for the Bat to be roaming the snowy and dirty streets of his beloved city.  
  
But this actually was so, so much better. Made things a hell of a lot easier for him.  
  
"How long is he gonna be gone?"  
  
"A week is the longest I was able to make him agree to," Bruce leaned back in his chair, looking wearily the paperwork piled on the mahogany desk in his study. He trusted Lucius to lead the company, but that didn't mean he didn't want to know every detail of what was going on in the family business.  
  
Lucius and him took most of the major decisions together, but he didn't always have the time to take a deeper look into the company's more mundane activities. The holiday season was a great time to catch up; read reports from each of the different branches of the company rather than a couple of reports encompassing it all, and make sure everything was as it was supposed to.  
  
That did not make it any less boring, though.  
  
"Hmm. And what are you gonna do?"  
  
Bruce rolled his eyes, lifting a hand to hold the phone. "He's only gone for a week, Tony. I think I can survive that long without him."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Of course. He left yesterday and I'm still here, aren't I? The only real issue is cooking, but I don't have to do it. I can just eat out or order something. Or I can even eat in the tower's cafeteria."  
  
Bruce reached for his cup, taking a sip of the warm beverage. Thank God he knew how to make coffee, or else he would have _never_ allowed Alfred leave the Manor. Never.  
  
Tony hummed softly, tapping his fingers against the desk. "So, he's going to spend Christmas in England, then."  
  
"Of course," He replied after a pause. "That's why I insisted he traveled now. It's been too long since he spent the holidays with his family."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Well, there are at least a couple of parties I'm still expected to make an apparition at," He said with a long-suffering sigh. "But, on the other hand, the annual Christmas party at the Manor is out of the question without Alfred to oversee everything, so I guess that will be my gift."  
  
Tony rolled his eyes, even if he knew Bruce couldn't see him. "Okay, but I was actually talking about you, Bruce Thomas Wayne, aka the Bat, not the idiotic buffoon you parade as around your city."  
  
"I feel obliged to point out that idiotic buffoon acts uncannily like you, Mr. Stark," Bruce said dryly.  
  
"You know what I meant. I wasn't talking about the gloriously fun bits, but about the part where you have to pretend to be a brainless moron pretty much all the time."  
  
Bruce paused. Even though Tony had been amused by the antics of his public persona on more than one occasion, his annoyance any time he was physically present when he acted like an "idiotic buffoon" was not exactly subtle. Not that Bruce himself enjoyed acting like that, of course, but it was necessary.  
  
"I will be patrolling, obviously. And if there isn't anything big going down I'll finish early and have a quiet night in."  
  
"Okay, it's settled. You're coming with me."  
  
"Excuse me,"  
  
"You're coming to Malibu with me, cupcake. It's been too long since we spend Christmas together."  
  
The line stayed silent for a moment.  
  
"I thought you said you invited your team for dinner."  
  
"Yep, I did."  
  
"Then I don't think I should intrude."  
  
"Oh, please. It's my damn party, so I can invite anyone I fucking want to, okay? Besides, it's a _dinner party,_ sweetcheeks, not a SHIELD top-secret briefing or some shit like that." Tony countered. "Come, you cannot miss the chance to mingle with Mr. Stripes and Stars. And you've got to meet Banner. The man's a genius and I should know about that, considering I'm one too."  
  
"Yes. And I'm sure it would be a _delightful_ time for everyone, being in the same room when all I talk about is polo and the latest gossip." Bruce said bitterly.  
  
"Well, you don't have to act like an idiot if you don't want to," Was Tony's instant answer.  
  
"Tony-"  
  
"What? I'm not saying you should show up with the cowl and cape. Just that you can tone the dumb act a bit."  
  
Bruce pressed his lips together, looking down at his clenched fist. He relaxed his fingers slowly.  
  
"I don't think it's a good idea."  
  
Tony made an irritated noise. "Stop being such a party pooper. Pepper and JARVIS are going to be here too-"  
  
"Wait. You didn't invite Rhodey?"  
  
"Of course I did, Brucie-bear, but he declined." Tony tipped his head back to look at the workshop's ceiling. "He's having dinner with the in-laws this year."  
  
Bruce blinked. He couldn't honestly say he and Rhodey were the best of friends, but they did get along pretty well, and Tony sometimes liked to talk about him. Lately, he had taken up to call him to rant whenever Rhodey didn't go along with whatever crazy plans Tony came up with because he was spending time with his girlfriend.  
  
"I didn't know things between them were serious."  
  
"Yeah, well, there aren't wedding plans yet, so I wouldn't say it's serious," Tony dismissed, before adding, "And stop trying to sidetrack me."  
  
"I wasn't-"  
  
"Like I was saying, Pepper and JARVIS are going to be here as well. You like Pepper and JARVIS."  
  
"I do, but-"  
  
"It's settled then. Are you flying here or do you want me to pick you up?" Tony's tone left no room for arguments- if the person at the other end of the line were anyone other than the fucking _Bat._  
  
"I didn't agree," And there it was. The fucking Bat. But, Tony wouldn't be where he was today if he couldn't handle a bit of a challenge.  
  
"Oh, but you were going to say yes. I know you, but most importantly, _you_ know _me_. So, want me to fly to Gotham to pick you up?"  
  
Bruce looked one more time at the paperwork on his desk. He wasn't opposed to the idea of spending the holidays with Tony; in fact, he quite liked the idea of that. It was the fact they weren't going to be alone that was the problem. And while Bruce had nothing against the Avengers, he wasn't really comfortable with the idea of being in the same room with them for more than a couple of minutes, even if Tony and Pepper were going to be present too.  
  
Not that any of that mattered now that Tony had come up with the idea. There was no way he was going to leave him get out of this.  
  
He heaved yet another sigh. "No. No, that's not necessary. I'll tell Jessica to take care of it."  
  
Tony smirked at the resigned tone in the other man's voice. "You sure, honey? 'Cause I can get JARVIS to arrange it."  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
"Mmm. You do know JARVIS wouldn't have any troubles letting me know if you don't make the arrangements. Right? I can simply fly there in my suit to scoop you up and take you with me in the last minute, so don't try me, Mr. Wayne."  
  
"I wouldn't dream of it," Bruce said dryly.  
  
"Great to see we understand each other, cupcake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I finally craved and I'm going to have Bruce meet the Avengers. The next chapter is almost finished so it will be posted before the year ends.
> 
> And yes, I'm baaack! Finally! After almost a year of absence. But rather than celebrate that by myself, I'll like to offer a sincere apology to those who had been expecting updates of any or all of my fics during the whole year. I can only say that I didn't plan to be away for so long, but nevertheless I'm still sorry for leaving without a word. And I want to make clear now that I have not abandoned any of my stories, and would in fact be having updates for them in the following weeks/months, as well as a few new one-shots too. I'm planning to resume a more normal rhythm after the Holidays, but considering this fic it's about Christmas, I couldn't very well not post it already.
> 
> Thank you very much to those who have stick around waiting still for updates. Seriously, I can't apologize enough. And, those who already give up, I understand completely, but I still hope you'll give the next chapters a chance once they pop up.


	2. the meeting

Pepper was waiting for him by the time he reached Tony's mansion. The gesture, though appreciated was not exactly necessary since Tony had added him to the short list of people with access to the premises right after he came back from the death. He wouldn't have gotten past the front gate otherwise.

The Gothamite took the wine bottle he had brought with him and exited the red Aston Martin One-77. Alfred's ingrained etiquette to always bring a gift anywhere he was invited was the only reason he even brought it. He didn't feel the need to bring something for Tony, less of all _alcohol,_ but they weren't going to be alone, so he was forced to bring the only gift he could think of.

There was a warm smile in Pepper's face as she welcomed him at the top of the stairs that led to the doorway of the mansion. She was wearing a plain yet elegant black dress just above the knee, her hair held down and wavy. Bruce smiled back.

"Bruce! Thank god you're here. I've done everything I can to stop Tony from suiting up and flying out to drag you here."

The billionaire snorted. "I was afraid that could happen, but I had the utmost confidence you would be able to keep him on a tight leash."

"It was a close call, but it's a good thing I have JARVIS on my side."

"Oh, you need to give yourself a bit more credit. No one else has the power to handle Tony like you do, Pepper. It's nice to see you," he added, leaning forward and kissing her lightly on the cheek. "You look beautiful, as always."

"Thank you. It's good to see you too. I trust you have been well?" Bruce arched an eyebrow. "Tony told me Alfred is away."

"What is it with everyone thinking I can't take care of myself. It's not very flattering."

Pepper chuckled softly. "Well, I've learned a thing or two taking care of a reckless billionaire myself, so I think I have valid reasons for concern."

"Now I feel insulted to be compared to the train wreck that is an unsupervised Tony Stark," Bruce replied, an affronted look on his face.

"Now, now, now, Mr. Wayne, Miss Potts. It's not nice to be hiding out here gossiping about your host, is it?"

Bruce turned to see Tony standing at the open glass door, dressed in an unfastened dark blue shirt with the top buttons undone, dark jeans and tennis shoes. It was a sight to behold.

"I'm overdressed, aren't I?" Bruce asked, ignoring the other billionaire and instead turning to the redhead at his side.

"Just a bit, yes," Pepper replied with an amused smile, taking on his three-piece charcoal gray suit, coat, silk tie, and shiny dark shoes. "But nothing that can't be arranged."

Pepper closed the short distance between them, waiting for a nod of consent as she stood before him. She reached toward him after receiving it, unfastening the tie and pulling it over his head. Bruce stayed still as she adjusted the collar before pulling open the top buttons of his white shirt.

"You know, it's a good thing I love and trust both of you deeply or this would be very, very _awkward,"_ Tony called from where he stood, watching the scene.

"Awkward like seeing photos of your boyfriend with some woman's tongue down his throat all over the tabloids?"

"Kind of like that, yes. Though I should remind you that was not my fault." Bruce arched a dark eyebrow, prompting Tony to explain further as he walked toward them. "She kissed me! What was I supposed to do? Push her away and then proceed to tell her and anyone that could hear that I'm off the market and the lucky lady isn't actually a _lady_ , but the equally rich and hot Prince of Gotham, Brucie Wayne.

"And stop stalling," Tony added, coming to stand before him. "Everyone is here already and they're drying to meet you, darling."

"I'm sure they are," Bruce said dryly.

"Oh, shut up and come here already. We haven't greeted properly."

Bruce rolled his eyes but crossed the short distance that still separated them, touching his lips to Tony's for a long and steamy deep kiss, enjoying every second of the intimate contact as he reached to wrap his arm around his neck while Tony's hands slid down to rest on his lower back.

"Hey, sugar," Tony whispered as they parted for breath, their foreheads touching. "Nice of you to come by."

"Yes, well, I didn't get a choice in the matter, pumpkin." The corner of Bruce's lips was curled upward.

Pepper gave them a moment, but when it became clear they weren't going to pull away anytime soon, she cleared her throat, making Bruce pull back--since he was the only one with a bit of common courtesy--ignoring Tony's protests.

"You have guests to attend to, Mr. Stark."

"Yeah, I do. Oh! Is that for me?" Tony added, reaching for the bottle still on Bruce's hand. "You shouldn't have bothered, really. I have boxes and boxes of booze all ready to be consumed tonight."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "You're welcome."

"Come on, Brucie-bear. Time to meet the gang." Tony winked, turning toward the door and stepping back inside, disappearing as fast as he had come, leaving Bruce and Pepper to look after him for a moment.

"They're not that bad, you know," Pepper offered sympathetically, patting his arm. "Relax."

She handed him his tie back and he shoved it in the inner pocket of his jacket as they walked together the short distance to the door. He let her enter first, taking a deep breath before following her just a second later. He busied himself removing his coat and jacket and hanging them on the coat rack.

Rather than admiring the bright and beautifully decorated majestic tree (Pepper's doing, he had no doubt) his eyes went straight to the small group sitting in the living room as each of them turned to look in his direction. He knew who each of them were and more, and not just thanks to Tony.

Rogers was sitting on the left end of the couch with Dr. Banner at his side. At the other end where Romanoff and Barton, sitting a bit too close for mere teammates, with the archer's arms resting on the back of the couch behind her. They all looked at him with curiosity and apprehension, even if the redhead was better at concealing it than the rest.

"Here," Tony called, breaking the staring contest and walking toward Bruce, thrusting a glass of wine into his hands. "This is for you."

Bruce took the glass without a word, narrowing his eyes when he saw the look in Tony's face.

"Come on, Pep. There's something I need your help with."

"Tony-"

"It would only take a minute, I promise." Tony grinned at the redhead before turning back to the other billionaire. "We can let you guys to take care of the introductions while we're gone, right?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Great! Come on, Pep."

Pepper lingered a moment longer, shooting him an apologetic look before following after Tony.

Bruce allowed himself a couple of seconds to keep glaring after him--cursing and counting all the ways he was going to make him pay for this little stunt--before forcing himself to take a deep breath, sliding into the role of the billionaire playboy and plastering Bruce Wayne's patented dazzling smile on his face before turning around to face Tony's friends.

He took a small sip of his glass as he started walking toward them. And he was definitely overdressed, Bruce thought as he took notice of the simple blue button-down and khakis, the gray Henley t-shirt and jeans, and the pullover sweater and cargo pants. Even the redhead was wearing jeans and a simple t-shirt.

"I would apologize for Tony's lack of manners, but sadly I'm sure you must have seen worst things by now," The remark earned him a snort from the archer and some small, polite smiles from the rest. "But I do want to apologize for intruding. Tony found out I didn't have plans for tonight and threatened to drag me here whether I agreed to or not."

"It's fine, Mr. Wayne. You don't have to apologize." _Of course_ Captain America would be the first to speak up. Not that he was complaining. It was nice to have something other than four pairs of eyes watching him guardedly.

"Oh, it's just Bruce, please."

"Steve Rogers," The blond said, holding out his hand for him to shake. Bruce moved the glass to his left hand and took the offered hand with a smile.

"Captain Rogers. It is an honor to meet you."

"Thank you. You too." Blue eyes shifted to the side. Rogers was clearly wary about the possibility of having a flaky billionaire with hero worship hanging on his every word the whole night. Not that Bruce blamed him. If he had come here with the intention of fully playing that role, he may have done just that. As it was, he wasn't going to be fawning over anyone tonight.

"Let me introduce you to the others," Rogers said politely, turning to his teammates. "These are Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, and Natalie Rushman."

He walked past the super-soldier with a smile to shake hands with them in turn. Rather than using a loose grip (as he usually did when meeting someone) he made sure to match the strength behind the grip on the other person's hand. When he reached the redhead's side, he brought her hand to his lips with a smile instead and kissed it, meeting her green eyes. He was still Bruce Wayne, after all.

It was _cute,_ really that they were trying to protect her identity from him when he probably knew more about her than they did. Except maybe Barton. They clearly had a history together. Still, Bruce could respect that.

"Wait. Didn't you work as Tony's assistant for a while when Pepper took over as CEO of the company?"

"I did."

Bruce didn't say anything for a moment, brow furrowed in thought. Romanoff showed no reaction at the question, clearly too skilled to break her cover so easily, but he didn't miss the glances exchanged by the rest out of the corner of his eye. He let them sweat for a moment, even if he had no real intention to probe further about it.

"It's good to know you were watching Tony's back even then too. Especially with that madman who attacked him in Monaco on the loss."

"Of course."

Bruce turned to the others, beaming. "Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet the people Tony holds in such a high esteem."

"Really? We're talking about Stark?" Barton said.

"I know how it sounds, trust me. But with time you learn to filter anything he says and understand the real meaning behind the words. It is a complex process, but it has its advantages."

"You have known him for a long time, then?" It was Banner this time, breaking the silence with his quiet question.

Bruce sat down in the free space in the middle of the large sofa, grateful for the prompting. "Yes. Our parents ran in the same circles, so we met when we were kids. Of course, it took us a few more years and several other meetings to stop disliking each other." Bruce smiled lopsidedly. "Tony isn't very good at first impressions, and I have to admit neither was I.

"Anyway, I know Tony, so believe me when I tell you he would not have invited you into his home without dozens of people to stand between you and him if he didn't respect and admire you."

Tony's teammates exchanged looks but said nothing.

He could see them relax somewhat after that, even if they were still alert. It made Bruce relax a bit too.

"Hey! We're back," Tony announced loudly, walking toward them with Pepper at his heels. "You guys got a good little chat?"

"We sure did," Clint replied with a smirk, mirrored in Natasha's face.

Tony furrowed his brow, turning to look in Bruce's direction. The corner of the Gothamite's mouth curled up coyly before he lifted the glass to his lips to take a sip of his wine.

"Great!" He said, recovering quickly.

Bruce met Pepper's curious eyes as she and Tony walked toward the sofa. He shrugged with a twitch of his lips as Tony sat down at his right side while Pepper occupied the empty space between her employer and Barton.

"I know I promised you'll get to meet the demigod," Tony started, head turned in Bruce's direction. "But there was some minor scheduling conflict. How would have thought Asgard's prince would be too busy to come mingle, right? But hey, I got you four out of five so that's something, right?"

He barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Really? That was the way he wanted to steer the conversation?

"And I probably shouldn't complain about it if I were you, sweet cheeks. 'Cause you know, those guys--and lady--can kick your ass if they feel offended." Tony warned him in a whisper loud enough for the others to hear him.

Bruce met Tony's brown eyes briefly, letting him see the gleam in them, as well as the minute twitch of his lips before turning to meet the eyes of every one of the other occupants of the room in turn as he spoke.

"See? That's what I was talking about. Right now Tony is, in fact, expressing his regret because your friend- Thor, was it? Couldn't be here tonight. As well as a poorly worded appraise of your abilities."

"What? No! What are you talking about?"

Laughs and chuckles were heard from everyone in the room at Tony's reaction, and even Bruce allowed himself a smug smile.

"Is there a way we might be able to persuade you to attend team meetings, Mr. Wayne?" Romanoff asked casually, drawing the attention of everyone in her direction.

"Excuse me?!"

Bruce ignored Tony's interruption. He had wanted him to get along with his teammates, right? Well, he was just delivering. "It's just Bruce, please. And, I don't know. Isn't your organization or whatever supposed to be super-secret?"

"With your unique skills, I'm sure Director Fury would make an exception." The archer countered. "What would be your response to-- _hypothetically,_ of course--being drugged and transported to an unknown location, where you would then proceed to act as Stark's interpreter during meetings?" Barton asked, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Tony was still watching him as if he was seeing him for the first time while Pepper was barely containing her laugh. Bruce pretended to think for a moment.

"It could be beneficial," Rogers added with a small twitch of lips.

"Ah, well, I'm not exactly a fan of the idea of being drugged, to be honest, but I cannot outrightly refuse to comply with such an important duty. Of course, I would rather if you informed me about it before giving me any kind of drug," Bruce added almost as an afterthought.

"Okay, okay!" Tony interrupted the exchange before turning to him. "You're forbidden from speaking for the rest of the night, got it?"

"I can leave if you want me to," Bruce offered innocently.

"Nice try, cupcake, but you're not going anywhere."

Bruce shrugged his shoulders in a smooth movement. He had to admit this meeting wasn't going as bad as he had thought it would, so he was actually okay with staying for a while. And, in spite of the melodramatic reaction, Bruce could tell Tony was pleased too.

"Nice catch, Stark. I like him."

He had told Tony before that he didn't care what the Avengers thought of him--both in or out of the suit--And it was the truth. So why did he feel the urge to smile at the compliment? Even as he hid his mouth behind his glass, Bruce couldn't help but wonder what their reaction would if they knew just _who_ exactly was sitting among them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Please let me know! This was my very first attempt at writing the Avengers, so any comment or critique would be very welcome. Also, thank you so much for the comments, kudos and bookmarks! I was very glad to see the lovely response the first chapter got, so I hope you enjoyed the second part too!
> 
> Happy Holidays everyone! And, I hope you have a great New Year too!


End file.
